Let her grieve

 

Grief at the loss of a loved one is unbearable, often destructive, takes long to overcome and often leaves one feeling lonely. How we overcome it, varies from person to person; but no matter how we overcome it, the experience changes us, plays a huge part in our evolution process and are testimonies to our individual personalities.

From personal experience I know overcoming grief and the loss of a parent was not easy. It’s been 8 years since my mom passed and even today, I am sometimes overcome with emotion and breakdown. Its not easy. For the first couple of months post her demise, I remember walking kilometers by myself and letting the tears run down my face, just to the rains wash them away.  Mind you, I was 35 years old then!!

Which is why I was so touched by this story in the newspapers this week. This child, just 16 years old; faced her toughest challenge; held on to her self and focused her energies on something that would make her parents proud. Imagine, losing one parent is difficult, which is why losing both parents in a span of days and then channeling that grief into academics to score such brilliant grades is truly commendable. I’m talking about the girl from Bhopal, who lost both her parents to Covid in May 2020 and then went on to appear for her Class 10 CBSE exams and score a remarkable 99.8%.

My heart goes out to the little girl - Vanisha. Yes, she should be congratulated, encouraged and even called an inspiration; but she is a child who has been forced to grow up and become mature in a matter of days. When she says, “when I looked at my younger brother, I suddenly realized I was all he had. At this age, I had become his mother and father. I couldn’t let myself fall apart….”, I broke down. 

I cried for that little girl. I cried for her innocence or the loss of it, for her determination even if it was forced from within, for her grit which she must have done with clammed teeth, for her conviction which pushed her from within, for her maturity way beyond her years and for her poise and dignity in adversity.

Her parents, God Bless their departed Souls, must be proud of her. But her achievement, has put the spotlight on that little girl. From here on the climb is going to steep, her actions are going to be judged, her credentials going to be revisited time and again and her focus going to be shifted because people are going to use her as an inspiration. She will be called for talks, for speeches and for probably ribbon cutting too; without an iota of thought for what she went through and will go through for the rest of her life.

I beseech every one following her story to let her be, let her grow at her own pace, let her live and most importantly to let her mourn in peace.

What we can do is support her (financially with grants, scholarships and such), encourage her (by talking to her), applaud her and let her know that her parents have sent guardian angles to watch over her when she needs it.

Little girl, stay little, enjoy your teen, your youth, laugh out loud, go out with your friends, be your brother’s sister and friend because that is what you are, don’t take the burden of being a parent – let the elders in the family take on that responsibility.

Hugs and love to you; because little girl, you truly deserve it.    

‘The Child called IT’ by ‘Dave Pelzer’ and ‘A Brother's Journey: Surviving A Childhood of Abuse’ by ‘Richard B. Pelzer’

 I've read books that have made me cry. I've even read books that have shocked me and I’ve wondered about the protagonist. But this book takes the cake for the cruelty, the psychotic mind of the mother, the book’s raw honesty and description of the protagonist’s angst.

The book is ‘The Child called IT’ by ‘Dave Pelzer’. Id recently borrowed the book from Bookelphia (the crowdfunding book library run by a friend Reethu Bhagat). This is a true story of the author Dave Pelzer and takes us through his childhood. One among five brothers, he was at the receiving end of all punishments in a home governed by his alcoholic and abusive mother and almost invisible and non-existential father.

To read what a boy as young as 5 went through is gut wrenching. Each chapter is filled with the boys angst, his desperation to get out, his undying love for his mother despite her crazy behavior, his hunger for food, love and acceptance, his feeling of homelessness and his sunken eyes devoid of any life.

All through the book I wondered how a mother could do this to her own child!!! I even wondered if she was mentally instable? Was that why she did what she did? But then she was good to the other boys!!! Then what transpired for her to single Dave out and treat him so???

When the book ended and Dave was finally able to get out, I signed a sigh of relief; but was curious and so hunted for the next two books of the trilogy. 

While I could not get those, I did find and order the book ‘A Brother's Journey: Surviving A Childhood of Abuse’ by ‘Richard B. Pelzer’. Richard is Dave’s brother and he was one of the closest support to their mother when she meted out punishment to Dave.   

Richard would snitch on his brother, make up stories and basically complain about his brother Dave to his mother only to watch in glee as older brother Dave got beaten black and blue. While reading ‘The Child called IT’, I hated Richard’s guts and was repulsed by his ruthlessness.

However, when I picked up ‘A Brother's Journey’, I realized that Richard was not completely at fault here. He too was a young child (barely 4-5 years old), fighting for survival. His actions although abhorrent, should be taken as the only means for him to stay afloat in a household ruled by a manic mother.

Once Dave leaves, Richard is the target of all the inhumane punishment. He too goes through what his brother went through and that is when you realize that the mother truly was a mental case.

The people you want to question are the authorities who having saved Dave, should have done something to save the other children in the house. You want to question the teachers and school authorities who despite seeing all the signs of abuse did nothing to save the young kids. You want to question the neighbors who despite knowing the abusive and atrocities being done, did nothing to intervein and save the children. You want to question the grandmother who knew how her grandchildren were suffering.    

Both the books left me in tears and left me wondering how someone could be so devilish that she put the devil to shame.

These books are not for the faint hearted; but if you must; then do read Dave Pelzer’s trilogy - A Child Called 'It', The Lost Boy and A Man Named Dave; and Richard B. Pelzer’s two books ‘A Brother's Journey’ and ‘A teenagers Journey’. 

Dave Pelzer

Richard B Pelzer

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

The Corona Virus unleashed its fury on my household and although we all got through to the other side, we were all left beaten and bruised.

I'm still struggling with post Covid complications and if one day is an easy sail, the next threatens to drag me down.

During those drag days, I revisit books and movies that made me emotional. It's a good excuse to cry buckets and not be judged or be called an emotional wreck!!

So, early this week was one of those drag days and I revisited the movie "My Sister's Keeper", a 2009 American drama film directed by Nick Cassavetes based on the book by Jodi Picoult. I'm a huge fan of books as opposed to movies and when I do watch movies that are adaptions of books, I get very critical and am often left disappointed with the movie.

My Sister's Keeper was an exceptional. I cried when I read the book and I cried harder watching the movie.

A mother's anguish and desperation to do whatever it takes to save her first born; a father's heartbreak knowing that he will never see his daughter grow up and live a normal life, they he will not walk her down the isle and that he will never seen her have a family of her own; the siblings struggle with reality and the fact that they love their sister but also at at times resentful of how their mother is focused only on her and finally the girl herself, who knows that she is dying, who knows what her family is going through and who knows that she drew the short end of the stick.

The book is brilliant and the movie does enough justice to it. The cast is perfect and you feel for each one of them.

I cried for and with the the characters, I cried for myself, I cried for all those loved ones I lost and I cried for ... well I cried for relief!!!

Allthatswritten: Cheese Wine and Friends must be Old to be Good. - ...

Allthatswritten: Cheese Wine and Friends must be Old to be Good. - ...:   A.B.C. Farms Pvt Ltd - A must visit while in Pune 

Cheese Wine and Friends must be Old to be Good. - The ABC Farms in Pune

 

A.B.C. Farms Pvt Ltd

When we had kids, Hubby and I decided that every trip that we would take would be an experience for our children. It would be an opportunity for them to learn something new, experience something new, feel something new and hopefully add to their knowledge repository.

Earlier, we ended up spending our New Years Eve and the start to the New Year at our friends Villa in Shahpur; but even those trips were educational trips. From imbibing values of sharing, caring, love, compassion; to introducing them to the flora and fauna of the place; we made every trip count.

This time for New Year’s Eve, we took them to Pune and since they love cheese; we decided to teach them all about cheese.

What better place to take them to for a lesson on Cheese than to the ABC Farms, a place that was started way back in 1976. A, B and C stand for Aga, Bhathena and Chinoy, the surnames of the first three founder directors of the Company. Today ABC Farms is completely owned and run by Sohrab Chinoy and his family.

We booked an appointment and reached the place by 12.30 in the afternoon. It was much different from what I remembered the place from an earlier visit about two decades back. We were met by the charming Sohrab Chinoy who welcomed us with an amazingly refreshing probiotic lemon flavored lassi. 

Then a huge tray filled with cups of different kids of cheese was brought in and as we dug in Sohrab spoke to us about the farm, the history, how he got into the business and more. As we sat talking, Sorabh shared wonderfully candid stories of his youth, he experiences, his passion and more. Munchkin 1 was full of questions and wrote down notes diligently in her tiny book, while Munchkin 2 and our friend’s Munchkin gorged on all the cheese.

Sorabh then took us to the Cheese processing unit and showed us how cheese is made. The chill in each of the curing freezers were completely worth it when we got to see how cheese gets aged, stored, packed; all ready for dispatch.  

Freezing inside one of the curing freezers with Sorabh

It was an amazing experience and one that I hope my kids will re-visit when they grow older and are able to understand a little bit more.

Walking out of the Farm, we shopped for so many different kinds of Cheese that my fridge is still bursting at its seams; but completely worth it considering how much we learnt. I loved Sohrab's passion for the farm and how despite all the challenges and competition, he refuses to part ways with his ethics, processing styles and quality. What I loved best was his advice to continue eating cheese, but good quality cheese never fattens!!! 

We ended the trip with a yummy lunch at the Shisha Cafe – Persian & Indian Cuisine. The ambiance is absolutely relaxing and seeing the restaurant built around the huge tree (which I think is an old Gulmohar) is so heartening.

We were there only during the afternoon; but I’m sure the place is abuzz during the evening hours.

Overall, a wonderful experience that I shall cherish for a long time to come. I do hope to make it back again soon and actually gorge on some of the amazing items listed on the menu.

Till we meet again… Au revoir Mr Sohrab Chinoy.

Sohrab Chinoy

ps: I was so mesmerized that I hardly took pics. Most of the pictures here are from the ABC Farms website or FB page. 

Allthatswritten: The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

Allthatswritten: The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides:   If there was book that blew my mind with its unexpected ending, then this is it. The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides is a bestseller wo...

The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

 

If there was book that blew my mind with its unexpected ending, then this is it.

The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides is a bestseller worth its weight.

I ploughed through the initial pages of the book sighing that it was too slow. The story revolves around how Theo Faber, a forensic psychotherapist tries to get Alicia Berenson, a London artist who inexplicably shot her husband years ago to talk. Ever since the murder, she has shut herself within and refuses to speak to anyone and is hence condemned to a secure forensic unit called the Grove.

Theo tries in vain to get Alicia to talk and follows up with her friend, therapist, family and cousin to understand her and her moods. During the course of the interactions between Theo and Alicia, she gives him her diary and Theo finally gets a glimpse into the days before the murder.

Running parallel to this is Theo’s own relationship issues with his wife.

The end is unexpected, a total shocker and something that gives me goosebumps even as I write this review.

The book explores love, relationships, trust, mental agony, emotional upheaval and so much more. Its like peeling off layer after layer.

A must read for all those who love a twist in their books.

This book is being adapted into a movie by Brad Pitt’s Plan B along with Annapurna. Cant wait for this one!!!

Alex Michaelides